Back Back Back Celebrity Row Outrage Read online

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  CONTENTS

  Title Page

  Copyright Notice

  Dedication

  BACK BACK BACK

  CELEBRITY ROW

  OUTRAGE

  Acknowledgments

  Also by Itamar Moses

  Praise for the Plays of Itamar Moses

  About the Author

  Copyright

  FOR CHRIS COLEMAN: “NOT SINCE THE SEVENTEENTH CENTURY…”

  BACK BACK BACK

  Back Back Back had its world premiere on September 19, 2008, at the Old Globe Theater in San Diego. Artistic Director: Darko Tresnjak. Executive Producer: Louis G. Spisto. Director: Davis McCallum. Set Designer: Lee Savage. Lighting Designer: Russell H. Champa. Sound and Music Designer: Paul Peterson. Costume Designer: Christal Weatherly. Production Designer: Shawn Sagady. Stage Managers: Moira Gleason, Tracy Skoczelas.

  KENT

  Brendan Griffin

  RAUL

  Joaquin Perez-Campbell

  ADAM

  Nick Mills

  Back Back Back had its New York premiere on October 30, 2008, at the Manhattan Theater Club. Artistic Director: Lynne Meadow. Director: Daniel Aukin. Set and Costume Designer: David Zinn. Lighting Designer: David Weiner. Sound and Music Designers: Ryan Rumery, Daniel Baker.

  KENT

  Jeremy Davidson

  RAUL

  James Martinez

  ADAM

  Michael Mosley

  CHARACTERS

  KENT

  A major-league baseball player, a slugger and an All-American golden-boy type.

  RAUL

  Another player, also a slugger, Hispanic.

  ADAM

  A third player, the wiry defensive virtuoso type.

  SETTING

  California, Texas, New England, the Midwest, Colorado, and Washington, D.C.

  A NOTE ABOUT SCENE HEADINGS

  The momentum of the play depends partly on the audience’s being made aware, at the top of each scene, of how far we’ve moved in both time and space since the previous scene. What this means is somehow using the headings that appear in the text for each of the nine scenes as an explicit part of the transitions between them. The best way to do this, probably, is to use some type of scoreboard on which the headings can appear, and then remain visible, such that they gradually line up like the recorded outcomes of each of the nine innings of a game. But short of that, some way of conveying up front, at minimum, both what month and year we’re in and our geographical location, as a sort of button on each transition, is desirable.

  A NOTE ABOUT NUDITY

  It is not necessary for the actor playing Raul to be completely naked at any point in Scene 3 or 4. Nudity is, obviously, an option, but is, at that point, needlessly distracting, in the opinion of the author.

  SCENE 1

  AUGUST 1984, SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

  A press room in the Olympic Village. KENT is talking to the press. He is wearing a Team USA baseball uniform. Perhaps he is seated at a table, at a microphone.

  KENT: Well, geez. Um, honestly? We’re not even thinking about that, we’re not even paying attention to that. We’re not here to talk about the past, the politics of it, or the behind-the-scenes drama, or the negative, we’re just here to play our game. Because, first of all, it’s just an honor and a privilege even just to be here, to be playing with this great bunch of guys, in a situation that really is an honor, against all these other countries, who are just being great to us, um, I mean, they’re our guests, but you know what I mean, everybody’s getting along just great, and we’re glad to be playing well, which, I mean, nobody’s exactly surprised, this is our sport, and our home turf, so I guess that we, you know, did come in with some expectations that we would do well, but everybody, Thrill, and Larkin, and everyone, we’re obviously pretty pumped, pretty psyched, that we were able to meet those, you know, expectations, and we’re pretty psyched, pretty pumped, to be out of the elimination rounds, and into the semis where it counts, though then again, it is, you know, we are still a demonstration sport, sure, or, what do they call it, like, an exhibition, or whatever, as opposed to like a full-on medal event, which, okay, they’ve got guys getting medals for how far they can throw a log, but baseball is somehow this big issue for some reason? I don’t get it. (Beat.) Oh, but, I don’t know, as to a boycott, or whatever, like I said, to be honest, nobody’s giving it all that much thought. Definitely not here on the baseball club. That’s not even cluttering up our minds, we’re just gonna keep doing what we’ve been doing, keep being positive and try to win this thing. And, uh, not get a medal for it. (Beat.) It’s South Korea in the semis, right? We’re gonna kick their ass.

  SCENE 2

  OCTOBER 1988, SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

  A weight room. RAUL is lying on the bench press. He is wearing the workout clothes of a major league baseball team. He sits up. Looks at his watch. Lies back down. Moments pass. ADAM enters, wearing the uniform of the same team.

  ADAM: Hey.

  RAUL: The fuck took you so long? (He sits up. Sees who it is.) Oh. Hey, Adam.

  ADAM: Sorry, I, uh … Just. I thought there’d be …

  (A moment. ADAM turns to go.)

  RAUL: Hey, hey, no, it’s no problem. I just … What’s up, rook?

  ADAM: Nothing.

  RAUL (with sudden enthusiasm): Hey! Back to back to back, baby! Wooooo!

  ADAM: Oh, hey, no—

  RAUL: Oh yeah! Back to back to back, baby! Wooooo!

  ADAM: They haven’t even announced it yet. We don’t even know.

  RAUL: Yeah, no, you’re right, you’re right.

  (Beat.)

  ADAM: So—

  RAUL: Back to back to back, baby! Wooooo!

  ADAM: Stop it, Raul. Seriously.

  RAUL: What’s the matter with you, Adam.

  ADAM: Nothing! Just. I was actually looking for a place to be alone. Get my head clear for the game.

  RAUL: And you came to the weight room?

  ADAM: Most of the guys on the team don’t lift.

  RAUL: That is true.

  ADAM: Yeah.

  RAUL: Their loss.

  ADAM: I guess. (Pause.) But so. I just, uh … That’s all.

  RAUL: Okay.

  (Pause. ADAM doesn’t go anywhere.)

  RAUL: Is there something I can do for you?

  ADAM: Uh. No. No, no, no.

  RAUL: Okay.

  ADAM: Just. I don’t feel great.

  RAUL: Oh.

  ADAM: I mean, it’s nerves, it’s just nerves, but I do feel kinda antsy. Anxious. But I’m fine. (Pause.) It’s nerves. I feel a little nervous. And I’m like sweating a lot. And I’m having a hard time keeping my hands still. But I’m cool. (Pause.) And I feel maybe like I’m gonna pass out, or throw up, or first one and then the other, but like I don’t know in what order. And I don’t want Tony to see me like this because then he’ll completely lose faith in me as a player.

  RAUL: Um. Okay.

  ADAM: Yeah. So.

  RAUL: You had a great year. You’ll be fine.

  ADAM: Well, yeah, no, I know. I know. (Pause.) I didn’t feel this way during the year, though, is the thing.

  RAUL: Well, we’ve got a big game tonight.

  ADAM: I know.

  RAUL: Game one. And we’re in their house. And they’ve got their ace on the hill. And we’ve gotta set
the tone for the whole series, rook. Tonight.

  ADAM: I know. I think that’s probably what it is, too.

  RAUL: No what I mean is you should get your head straight because we need you.

  ADAM: Oh. (Beat.) I mean, yeah. I know.

  RAUL: Because a big part of this game? Is mental. You know?

  ADAM: I know that, Raul.

  RAUL: I mean you gotta be in it. Up here.

  ADAM: I know what you mean.

  RAUL: Yeah, but so my point is, sure, you had a great season, but also you need to deliver when it counts. In the postseason. Which is now. So—

  ADAM: Have you ever been in the postseason—?

  RAUL: Let me answer your question with a question. Am I shaking and sweating and about to hurl like some kind of an amateur pussy? The answer to that question? Is no. I am calm. Fired up, even. How did I do in the ALCS, Adam? I kicked ass. And I cannot wait to step into the box against this guy tonight, this, uh … What’s his name?

  ADAM: Hershiser.

  RAUL (with faux innocence): Right, but, uh. What Hershiser?

  ADAM (oblivious to the setup): Orel. Orel Hershiser.

  RAUL: Heh heh. I know.

  ADAM: What? Oh.

  RAUL (overlapping): Who names their kid Orel? I mean…! That’s just cruel! Orel.

  ADAM: How would you feel if someone made fun of your name, Raul?

  RAUL: I would tell them it’s the Spanish variant of the Old Norse Raoulfi, meaning “Counsel of the Wolf.” (Beat.) As I was saying, I am not afraid of, uh, of Orel … Heh. Heh. Sorry. It’s just—

  ADAM: Please continue.

  RAUL: Oh! Hey. That reminds me. And you’ll like this. This you’ll like. After the game? There’s this ridiculous girl I want you to meet. Ridiculous. She’s friends with this other chick I’m kind of involved with, or who I get, like, reinvolved with again whenever we come down to L.A.? And actually, I was kind of involved with both of them? But not really the second one. But I can tell you? That she really likes baseball players. Like. She really really likes them. Like. Really a lot.

  ADAM (Beat.): That’s fantastic, Raul. Thanks.

  RAUL: The fuck is wrong with you?

  ADAM: Just…! (Beat.) Nothing. Nothing. That will really be great after the game.

  RAUL: Yeah. You’re right. It will.

  ADAM: I…! (Beat.) Maybe I should just tell Tony. See if he wants to sit me down.

  RAUL: What?

  ADAM: If, since, because I don’t want to, like, hurt the team!

  RAUL: Yeah, but that would be pretty humiliating for you to have to sit one out in a clutch situation. It would be hard to come back from that.

  ADAM: Well, you know what? You, like, riding me about it? And, like, offering me your leftover tail? Isn’t helping.

  RAUL: Oh! Oh. You, uh … You want my help?

  ADAM: I, uh…! Why do you think I’m talking to you?

  RAUL: If you wanted help, why didn’t you say so, Adam?

  ADAM: I’m a professional athlete. It can be hard for us to just ask.

  RAUL: Well, you’re in luck. Because I can help you. I mean. I can help you help yourself. In a big way. If, uh. If you’re really sure that you want my help.

  ADAM: Uh … (Beat.) Is there something in particular you’re trying to say? Because if there is, then I’m not getting it.

  (Pause.)

  RAUL: Come here. Spot me for a minute.

  (ADAM goes over to the bench press.)

  ADAM: It’s weird that you and Kent get away with this.

  RAUL: Um. With what?

  ADAM: Working out with weights.

  RAUL: Oh.

  ADAM: With lifting. Tony doesn’t like it.

  RAUL: That’s true. He doesn’t.

  ADAM: He says it’s bad for you.

  RAUL: That’s right. He does.

  ADAM: But you guys just go ahead and do it anyway.

  RAUL: Sure. I mean, he can make his demands, and yell, but the fuck is Tony gonna do, really? We’re his stars. Without us he doesn’t—

  (KENT enters, also wearing the team workout clothes.)

  KENT: Sorry. Media. (Beat.) Oh. Adam. Hey.

  ADAM: Hey, Kent.

  (ADAM moves away from the bench press, clearing space for KENT to take up the spotting position. RAUL points among the three of them.)

  RAUL: Hey! Back to back to back, baby! Wooooo!

  KENT: Oh, did they announce?

  ADAM: No. No. They haven’t even voted. Not until the season is over.

  KENT: Right. That’s what I thought.

  RAUL: Well, yeah, but come on, Kent, I mean, you sort of get a general sense before that, right? I mean, my year, I pretty much knew a month before. And last year, same for you, right?

  KENT: I guess. People are always kind of informally polling each other or whatever so there can be a vague idea of what’s going to go down pretty far in advance sometimes, which, um—(because RAUL has been chuckling)—what is so funny, Raul?

  RAUL: Heh. “Polling each other.”

  KENT: Yeah that’s great.

  ADAM: Well, whatever, now I’m probably not even gonna get it now and I’ll feel extra stupid because you got me all pumped up and then it didn’t happen.

  RAUL: Not with that attitude it fucking won’t.

  ADAM: I’m a defensive player. We don’t get the awards. I’m not complaining. It’s just. That’s the way that it is.

  RAUL: See? This is what I’m talking about! This mentality you’ve got going mentally up there is just totally fucking with you!

  KENT: Hey, lay off! Rook’s trying to get focused.

  RAUL: Rook is ready to pass out and vomit.

  KENT: What?

  RAUL: Tell him.

  ADAM: Thanks, Raul, that’s awesome.

  KENT: You okay?

  ADAM: Yeah, I’m fine, I’m fine, it’s just nerves, I’m just a little nervous.

  RAUL: And?

  ADAM: And…! Like sweaty and shaky and nauseous. And lightheaded.

  KENT: Wow. Maybe you should, uh, maybe you should tell Tony, have him sit you down, if—

  RAUL: Great. That’s great advice.

  KENT: What? I’m just saying if the team—

  RAUL: He has an opportunity to play on the big stage and he’s spooked and you’re instantly telling him to sit it out? Why don’t you try for like a half a second to help him get it together?

  KENT (to ADAM): Um. Okay. Have you tried taking some deep breaths?

  RAUL: Deep breaths? That’s your advice?

  KENT: What.

  RAUL: I offered to get him laid.

  ADAM: Jesus. You guys? I’m fine.

  KENT: Okay, but, seriously. Just, like, try to slow down your heart rate and get calm and slow your pulse and just take deep even breaths. Okay?

  ADAM: Okay.

  KENT (to RAUL): You ready to lift?

  RAUL: Aw, already, really? Yeah, that’d be nice.

  KENT: Like I said. Press wanted quotes.

  (During the following, KENT spots RAUL for a set. ADAM attempts to take deep breaths off to one side.)

  RAUL (lifting): I hate talking to those guys. It’s a total mindfuck. It’s like they already know what they want to say about everything, and then they just take whatever you say and make it, like, fit into what they were going to say already.

  KENT: Don’t talk while you’re lifting.

  RAUL (lifting): Oh, because you’re the expert on conditioning now?

  KENT: No, just—

  RAUL (lifting): Because in fact, Kent, if I am lifting at a level that is comfortable for me I should be able to talk comfortably while I lift.

  (RAUL is finished with his set. He sits up. He stares at KENT. A beat.)

  KENT: You’re right.

  RAUL: I know I am.

  KENT: Well, you are.

  RAUL: Good. I know.

  (KENT and RAUL switch places. KENT does a set. RAUL spots him. Meanwhile:)

  RAUL: In fact, this debate about conditioning is
not unrelated to what I was talking to you about just a moment ago, Adam.

  ADAM: What? What.

  RAUL: About how to help you help yourself in a way other than telling you to breathe or to somehow magically slow down your own pulse.

  ADAM: Oh.

  RAUL: Because you know what the secret to conditioning is? Or what the thing is that gets in people’s way the most when they work out?

  KENT (lifting): Hey—

  RAUL (to KENT): Don’t talk, Kent. (To ADAM.) Do you know?

  ADAM: No.

  RAUL: People think it’s how much weight you can lift, or how many reps you can do, or something like that, but it’s not, that’s not what it is.

  ADAM: It’s not.

  RAUL: No.

  (KENT has finished his set. He sits up.)

  KENT: Raul—

  RAUL: Just a second, Kent. The biggest thing that gets in your way? Is recovery time. By which I mean the time that it takes you to recover.

  KENT: He knows what recovery time means.

  RAUL (to ADAM): Is this helping?

  ADAM: Yes.

  RAUL: Actual information that’s not some Zen bullshit is helpful?

  ADAM: Yeah.

  RAUL (to KENT): So shut up, Kent.

  KENT (gesturing): Yeah, but just, come on, could we—

  (KENT and RAUL switch places. During which:)

  RAUL: Like if you maybe do a set for a particular muscle group and you have to rest awhile before you do the next set? That’s way more limiting than amount or reps or anything.

  KENT: Are you gonna go or what?

  RAUL: In a second. (To ADAM.) Or if you do a whole routine for a whole bunch of muscle groups and have to wait a day, two days, before you do that routine again. But if your recovery time was lower, then instead of rotating through, you know, chest, legs, back, arms, whatever, and you could just go arms, arms, arms…! And that’s the biggest obstacle. Which is something that not a lot of people know.

  ADAM (feeling unwell): Ohhh.

  RAUL: And the best thing you could do is find a way to eliminate that problem.